Virtual Therapy In Ontario, In Person Therapy in Hamilton, Oakville & London
People often think of grief as something we eventually get over. Friends, family, and workplaces might expect us to feel “back to normal” after a while. At Vital Minds in Hamilton, clients sometimes feel confused or discouraged when their grief doesn’t match these expectations. Culture plays a role as well; for instance, in the GTA, there is often pressure to return to work and keep performing. Many people feel they should stay productive, stay positive, or avoid talking about their loss for fear of the impact. These ideas can make grief even harder, especially when you feel you must keep going no matter how you feel. But grief doesn’t follow a straight path, and healing isn’t about moving on.
The idea of “moving on” makes it seem like grief should end at some point. This belief can cause people to judge themselves when the waves of grief come and go again and again. In grief therapy in Hamilton, we often talk about a different view: grief does not go away, but it does change as time passes.
A person might feel fine for a little while, then suddenly feel overwhelmed because of grief, perhaps after returning to work, bumping into an old friend, remembering a special anniversary, or some other personal reminder of what has been. This is a normal part of loss, not a sign that something is wrong. Grief shows our connection, love, and meaning. It is important not to rush the process, push our feelings away, but rather to try to express them in order to move through and understand them.
Grief is different for each person. It depends on the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the loss, your own history, and the support you have. That’s why grief can feel easier one day and much harder the next.
For some, grief stays visceral, intense, and strong for a long time and can feel overwhelming or stuck. This is sometimes called complicated grief. It does not mean someone is grieving the wrong way. Often, it means the loss has shaken their sense of safety, identity, or meaning. If there is no space to process the loss, grief can stay painful.
Seeing grief as non-linear can help reduce shame. It lets people view their feelings as a normal part of being human and loss as a natural part of the human experience, not a flaw to be brushed over.
Grief often mixes with trauma, especially if the death was sudden, unexpected, or involved an amount of unresolved conflict. In these situations, grief is not just emotional. It can also affect the body. People might feel anxious, have trouble sleeping, feel irritable, or feel numb.
Healthy emotional processing means letting feelings come and go without trying to push them away or rush to feel better. The processing involved might feel like having a bow and arrow without a target: the arrow needs to be released, but you may not be sure where it should go, so you avoid it altogether. Doing this might help for a little while, but it can make things harder in the long run. Externalizing what is occurring can be extremely helpful. Clients who are able to face whatever comes up emotionally and physically at a pace that feels right for them, in turn, help the body and mind to slowly calm down.
Grief therapy gives you a place where you don’t have to be “over it.” The goal is not to erase grief, force closure, or implement a prescribed system. Grief is something to learn to integrate into your life rather than “complete”. Therapy aims to help you understand your feelings, make sense of your loss, and learn to live with grief in a healthy way, hopefully without any fear or stress about doing it “right.”
Life is full of change, and most people wear the invisible scars of grief everywhere they go. Yet with time, many people notice that the deep sense of acute grief becomes less present in their daily lives, and not because they “got over it. This isn’t because they moved on, but because they learned new ways to wear or carry their grief.
Healing after loss does not mean forgetting or replacing what was lost; it simply means transformation. This transformation occurs as one lives a new normal, recognizing the impact of the relationship or experience. When we let go of the myth of moving on, we make room for a kinder and more realistic understanding of grief.
Perhaps you are grieving a loss and need some extra support. Please feel free to reach out for in-person therapy in Hamilton or Oakville, or perhaps it is more convenient to meet online which is available anywhere in Ontario.